When Everything Fell Apart: Day 65 of Exodus 90. A Journey Toward Freedom and Brotherhood

When Everything Fell Apart: Day 65 of Exodus 90. A Journey Toward Freedom and Brotherhood

Sixty-five days. That’s how long I had been committed to Exodus 90—waking up early, praying daily, coldish showers, fasting, discipline, brotherhood. And for 56 of those days, I was locked in. I felt stronger, more present, more disciplined than ever before.

And then like for many of us, Spring Break happened.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who struggled this past week. Whether it was the travel and 13 hour flights, the shiny new foods, drinks and experiences, or just the routine-breaking nature of spring break where you needed to kick back and relax.  No matter what it was, the reality is that sticking to Exodus 90 when life throws distractions at you is hard, really hard. And being in Japan when you also didn’t know what day of the week it was definitely didn’t help.  

The Cracks Begin to Show

It started small. The first travel day was exhausting, so I skipped my reading, prayer, mass and basically everything on the list….telling myself I’d “make it up tomorrow.”

Then came the food. Japan is a bucket-list destination for food lovers, and suddenly, my fasting didn’t feel so important when faced with a bowl of steaming ramen, fresh sushi sliced right off the tuna at Tsukiji Market or tasty treats from 7/11. I told myself, “Just this once.”

By day three, I had completely abandoned coldish showers, reasoning that the hotel’s hot water firing up from a volcanic natural spring under the hotel was “part of the cultural experience.”

Before I knew it, my structured prayer life, fasting, and sacrifices were slipping through my fingers.  I think the only thing that stayed consistent was my Rosary, but that was usually said at three in the morning when I couldn’t sleep.

The Moment of Realization

About halfway through the trip, I found myself standing in Tokyo Station, watching the organized chaos of the city around me. I had just indulged in yet another “exception” to my discipline, and for the first time in 65 days, I felt completely out of control.

I had spent two months training myself in discipline, detachment, and self-mastery, and in the span of a few days, I had abandoned it all.

I felt disappointed. Weak. Unworthy of the progress I had made.

But then I remembered something important—this journey isn’t about perfection. It’s about perseverance.  And even though I definitely beat myself up, it was at our weekly check-in this past Sunday where it became clear.  Even though we all felt like we failed with our disciplines over Spring Break, everything we did had purpose.  Sharing a drink on the beach overlooking a gorgeous Cayman Island sunset, enjoying a bowl of ramen and a beer with my son, trying a Japanese snack chosen only by its picture, or simply enjoying wine and cheese at a Parisian café.  Everything we did had purpose to live the experience with our families and create memories…and any vices we partake in were in much more moderation than years past.     

Recommitting and Moving Forward

I share this because I know I’m not alone. The Cure 12 are not alone.  The Exodus men around the world are not alone.  Almost every single one of us have slipped at one time or another.  It happens. But it’s what we do now that matters.

The truth is, Exodus 90 was never about checking boxes. It’s about transforming our hearts and reordering our desires. And transformation isn’t linear—it’s messy, full of setbacks, and requires constant recommitment.

So, I’m picking myself up. I’m not going to let one week of failure define the last 25 days of this journey. I’m recommitting today.

If you’ve fallen off track this past week, I encourage you to do the same. Shake off the guilt, refocus, and get back in the fight. We’re in this together, and the finish line is in sight.

Only 25 more days to go.  Let’s finish strong.